Trying to be a Writer

Hmmm, it appears from my previous post that I was not having a good day that day.

See, I'm being all coy, like I only vaguely remember posting that link, but I totally remember doing it and totally remember why.  I won't go into detail.  Writing makes me want to impale myself on sharp objects Writing is hard.  Trying to be a BON-EE FIDE writer is emotionally draining.  Here's what it's like:

First, you write the book.  Yeah, cuz that's totally no biggy.  Slapping out an 80K word story that sorta makes sense.  EASY PEASY.  Then, there's querying.  Huge time suck.  Then there's waiting, waiting, waiting, and then, one day...BOOM!  REQUESTS!!! Which make you go like this...

...more querying, more waiting, NA's ("no responses" to queries), waiting, waiting, waiting, more NA's, often to the aforementioned requests.  Yes, they request to read your book and then you NEVER HEAR BACK EVER EVEN WHEN YOU NUDGE.  So, then you're all like this...

And then there's other stuff.  When you write, you are ALL OUT THERE.  Like, naked with all your bits hanging free.  Whether it be sending stuff out for critiques or actually sending the finished product to agents, at some point, people tell you what they think.  And some people have no problem telling you that you have no talent, that your writing is flawed from head to toe.  In fact, I know someone that is so utterly convinced of my suckiness, they say the darndest things to me, like my suckiness is mutually agreed upon, so saying/implying such is no big whoop. Which kinda makes me go...

So, yeah, that, and then the other stuff, and you're just, ugh, it's like this only worse:

And then, inevitably, like a nervous tick, you feel the need to write another book.  Because the first one two three four were such fulfilling experiences.  Plus, you're under some demented delusion that you're SUPPOSED to be a writer.  But then you get a few chapters in and you're all...

 

Because you realize you TOTALLY agree with that person who is so utterly convinced of your suckiness, and you kind of want to call them and say "I KNOW YOU ARE SO RIGHT I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE!" That's when you realize you're like one of those sad sacks from the American Idol auditions, who they profile first, and you hear how they're convinced they were born to sing, and that singing is in their soul, in their blood, and they've got DREAMS and PLANS and stuff, and then they sing, and everyone is all...

But you still write it.  Because there is something seriously wrong with you.  

Basically, in a nutshell, THIS is what it's like trying to be a writer:

THIS

THIS pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about my writing career right now.

That is all.

Filler Blog Post

Anyway, this post is total filler.  My awesome writery/blogger friend Ray Veen tagged me in the "The Next Big Thing" Blog Hop, which I must do (if I can figure out what a blog hop actually is), but that means I'll have to stop not talking about the book I'm not writing and actually start talking about the book I'm not writing.  Which I am actually writing.  In fact, I'm almost done with the book I'm actually writing that I've been saying I'm not writing.  

Cuz, you know, that's what I do.  I write books.  Some people like them.  And some people don't. One thing that I've discovered though is that, for people who don't like my books, there is nothing I can do.  There is no way in this life or the next that I could write a book that they would like.  Even if I tried.  Even if they sent me an outline and told me exactly what to write.  It's like me and watermelon.  I hate watermelon.  It's looks yummy, but I cannot stand the way it tastes.  Watermelon could cover itself in salted caramel and espresso and Clive Owens, but I still wouldn't like it. 

It's like that quote.  It goes something like, "Write for yourself, please some.  Write for others, please no one."  

I just want to please some.  

Whatever, anyway, like I said, this post is just filler.  Oh, and to show you a picture of my daughter voguing.  

Don't just stand there, let's get to it, strike a pose, there's nothing to it!

Hey, don't laugh, she's come a long way.  She used to have funny hair and would spend all of her time blowing raspberries. 

Things that happen when you don't pay attention

So, y'all remember my last book? 

Oh, wait, no, you probably don't since it ended up in my "where poo goes to die" folder instead of on a bookshelf in Barnes & Noble.  (Okay, I'm being overly dramatic.  I realize that even if it had been published, the chances of it ending up on a shelf at Barnes & Noble are slim since their YA section is about as big as my closet, but you get the idea.)  I'll refresh your memory.  My last book.  Book #3.  The Grim Life of Kat Clark.  About a girl being trained to be an angel of death by her grim reaping dead uncle.  And stuff happens.  That one.  Right.  Ya with me?  Yes?  No?  K. 

So, way back while I was still querying, I tried out this website called WeBook.com.  They have this thing called Page to Fame.  You sign up and upload your first page and then other users on the site rate your stuff, and if they like it, it gets elevated, and if enough people like it, it gets elevated to the next round, which is your first five pages (with the option to upload an additional 5 "bonus" pages).  The goal is to keep getting elevated until it hits the final round, where a real live agent reads it.  The site, though very cool in concept, doesn't seem to be all that popular yet, and in the forums people were saying it can take months or even a year to even get enough ratings to move up.  So I did the initial upload thingy (this was seriously about a year ago) and just sort of forgot about it. 

Then about six months ago I got an email saying my first page of GLoKC had been elevated to the next round.  My initial first page had gotten an 85% overall rating.  Like...woohoo!  So, I uploaded the next five pages with the additional "bonus" pages and...kind of forgot about it again. 

Well, today I checked back and it's been rated 35 times and my rating is still hovering around 80%.  And people are giving positive feedback.  Does this mean anything as far as something happening with that book? No.  But...people like it.  When you try to go the traditional publishing route, you don't really think about that.  You want your crit partners to like it.  You want agents to like it.  But just regular people...that comes later and unfortunately I've not gotten to that "later" yet.  But it's kind of a cool feeling. 

Anyway, if you're interested, my submission on WeBook.com can be found here.*

And on a final note, just to clear things up because some people don't understand my psychobabble (I mean COME ON, doesn't everyone speak "bat shit crazy"?) - When I've talked about "the book I'm not writing" in previous posts, I am referring to the book I AM currently writing.  I birthed this new book in the wake of book #3 going into the pooper and I honestly had no idea really what it was, just that I knew I needed to write it.  Also, it's a bit of crazy pants reverse psychology - like if I pretend I'm not writing it, but I actually am, then...ummm, something magical will happen....??  Like, bunnies will appear.  In go-go boots.  No, wait, that would be weird.  Okay, I didn't know what exactly pretending to not write a book I'm actually writing would accomplish.  Give me a break.  I have issues.  (Obviously.)

*Let me just say that, although at the time I thought it was my best work, in re-reading my sample after several months of not looking at it, and working on this new book, which is totally different, kinda dark and angsty, I no longer think it's my best work and I see a lot of flaws in the writing.  Unfortunately, I can't edit once it's uploaded, but, just so you know, if you read and go "this isn't that great", I'm fully aware.  So shutty.  :)

This is me...

 ...updating my blog.

Oh, my little blog.

I had such high hopes for us when I started you six years ago. Things haven't exactly gone the way I'd hoped they would. 

I am still trying, though.  Remember that book I wasn't writing?  I'm still not writing it.  And I'm almost done not writing it.  So, you know, there's still hope, right? 

Anyway, I guess there's no gentle way to say this, but I've kind of been cheating on you here.

See, I don't have to SAY anything on my tumblr blog.  I can if I want to, but, honestly, I don't really feel like talking right now. 

Plus, I like gifs that give me all the feels. 

I'll be back some day and start treating you right.  I promise. 

I'm Not Really Here

I'm only doing this blog post to let you know that I'm not really here.  I'm not really posting.  I'm also not writing a book right now.

And incidentally, just last night, I did not hit the "save" button on a doc entitled "chapter fourteen", because, as mentioned above, I am not writing a book right now, and saving a document entitled "chapter fourteen" when it is not actually a part of several preceding chapters (one thru thirteen, to be exact) would be completely mental and as we all know, I am not the least bit mental.  Not even a skosh. 

Hang on one sec while I trim my toenails with my cat's teeth.  

K.  Back.  

Anyhoo, in closing, I'm not really here, I'm not writing a book and my cat hates me.  

And now, here's a picture of me as a zombie:

WINNING! or I Know What Merle Dixon Would Do, Sucka!

Okay, I'm going to flat out warn you that this post contains serious geeky fangirl material, and if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable/twitch/break out in hives, you may want to out click right now.  

G'head.  I'll even give you a few seconds to get out unharmed.  

Whew, I'm glad THEY left, aren't you?  Nothing like having THEM around when you're trying to have a full on geeky fangirl stroke.  

So, everyone that knows me knows that I'm a total geek, and that I love zombies and that I'm a huge The Walking Dead fan.  For those who don't watch the show (What.  Ever.), I'll give you a quick rundown of all applicable geekery to bring you up to speed:

It's the zombie apocalypse.  A rag tag group of survivors band together to try to survive.  Two of those rag tag survivors are Merle and Daryl Dixon, a couple of bad ass, foul mouthed rednecks, played by the incomparable Michael Rooker and Norman Reedus.  In season one, Merle gets handcuffed to the roof of a building in downtown Atlanta and is left to be chop suey for hoards of hungry zombies.  But he gets away by cutting off his own hand.  

See?  Bad ass.

Of course, there's tons more awesomeness to the show, but that's all you need to know to appreciate this particular uber fangirl moment.  A few weeks ago, a fabulous fansite called Dixon's Vixens held a What Would Merle Dixon Do? contest.  Merle is coming back for season three, and the challenge was to photoshop a picture of Merle with what you thought he'd have affixed to that stump to help him fight off shambling hoards of the undead.  I did a handful of them (pun totally intended).  Sent them on to the lovely Vixens and went about my day (you know, coffee, that writing thing, geeking out on Etsy, painting my nails fourteen different colors, warping my children, etc).  Then, last Sunday, I get a tweet from Dixon's Vixens.  It simply says "Pssst.  Congrats!"

That's right, peeps.  I effing WON!

Yep.  Me.  I never win anything.  EVER.  I won a Night Ranger poster at a state fair once.  And occasionally I'll win a dollar on a scratch ticket.  But this....this is made completely of awesome-sauce.  Because, I didn't just win it randomly, like a raffle or the lottery.  I won it because they totally got it!  My geekery was validated!  THEY LIKED ME.  THEY REALLY LIKED ME.  

Errr, ummm...well, they liked THIS:

 

Yep.  That's Merle with a Rancor.  

My prize for winning the WWMDD? contest is an autographed photo of the epically awesome Michael Rooker and a Rookered t-shirt, that will go into my rotation of t-shirt I LUFF, along with my Zombie at Tiffany's shirt and my Little Miss Detroit shirt.  

Thank you for sharing in my geek stroke, and if you are a The Walking Dead fan in any way, shape or form, do yourself a favor and bookmark the Dixon's Vixens website, like them on Facebook, and follow them on Twitter.  They're a fab group of ladies (and gents, can't forget the Mixens) who are doing it RIGHT.  (And if you don't know how to fangirl something the wrong way, clearly you haven't spent enough time on Twitter.)