Monday, June 29, 2009

You people are wrong in the head

Daily Stats:
Words: 4 or maybe 2000, not sure which
Caffeine: morning cup + midday iced mocha
Evil Calories: currently addicted to chips and salsa. Mainly the chips part.
Reality TV: it's far too embarrassing to admit

So, I have this nifty little thing on my blog called SiteMeter. It basically tracks every visit to my blog. Yep. I'm watching you. C'mon, get that finger out of your nose and, for god's sake, change that shirt. You've been wearing it for a week now.

No, seriously, I can't actually see you (but you should still change that shirt and keep your fingers out of your nose). But I can see where you are and how long you stayed. AND, it also will tell me what search term you tippity-tapped into google if you happened to simply stumble upon my blog. And, as it turns out, some of the more interesting search terms that lead to my blog are "I'm too sexy for my cat", "I'm too sexy for my heels" (both of which have this post to thank) and...wait for it...wa-a-a-a-a-it for it..."cat sexy in heels".

Okay...if you are one of these "cat sexy in heels" people and you are reading this post, please step away from the computer, grab the yellow pages and try to find yourself some urgent, low-cost shock treatment. Or just jab a fork in your eye. Or maybe even take your brain out and soak it in bleach for a while. Seriously, what's wrong with you? You're embarrassing your mother. I think you should leave. Everyone else can stay and play, even the "too sexy for my heels" people. Though, I suspect you have a certain...ehem... "need" that my little ol' blog will not be able to fulfill. But after you find your weirdo-rama smut, c'mon back for some nice, wholesome entertainment.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Let them eat cake

Daily Stats:
Words: breathing
Caffeine: morning cup so far
Evil Calories: 400 therapeutic cookies
Reality TV: Chopped

I'm one of those people who reminds myself that no matter how grim my life seems to be, there's always someone else who's been dealt a harder hand. Yes, things have a taken a harsh downward turn for us, but I'm quite certain that there are handfuls of other people out there nosediving straight to crapsville. We're not nosediving yet. We're just circling it slowly, which still gives us time veer off into greener grass. But I'm not here to post about how things have gone slightly ass over teakettle in my world. I'm here to post about cake.

Yes, cake. I don't mean the Betty Crocker boxed mix with the tub of chocolate flavored trans fat. I mean CAKE:

(That last one is the cake from our wedding! It was so awesome, even though the frosting turned everyones lips blue)

People always ask were writers get their ideas. I, like many, get mine everywhere. A simple trip to the grocery store can spark an idea. So can sitting on the couch like a sloth watching the Food Network, which is where inspiration pounced on my head last night. I realized that I'm missing a huge opportunity in my WIP. I love cake. The love to look at cake, eat cake, and when I'm feeling frisky, I love making cake. I love the whole concept of cake. No one is ever sad or suffering around cake. Cake means people are happy. Then I thought, duh...why am I not writing about cake? I mean, hello, one of my characters runs a cafe the revolves around cake, yet the plot of my story currently has little to do with the actual cake. It's just a backdrop. But the thought of bringing the cake into the spotlight makes me giddy and happy, and I'm all about the giddy and happy right now.

Obviously, this opens a whole new door of research. Sugar arts, fondant - and probably five thousand other things I know NOTHING about. But my MC knows nothings about them either when she first walks into the cafe, so we can figure it out together. So, in the next few weeks if I ramble on about frosting or post pictures of demented experimental sugar flowers, just roll with it. K?

Monday, June 1, 2009

I'm old

Daily Stats:
Words: where's my walker?
Caffeine: morning cup + midday iced latte
Evil Calories: chocolate chip muffins that came out like bricks (but I ate them anyway, cuz chocolate chip bricks are still yummy)
Reality TV: ANTM reruns on Oxygen

For reason that are still beyond explanation, I wandered into a dark corner of the internet today and found myself watching the 2009 MTV Movie Awards. just have one tiny little question. WHO THE CRAP ARE THESE PEOPLE? I know who Andy Samberg is and I know what's her drink from Twilight...Kristin "can't act my way out of a paper sack" Stewart and Cedric Diggory from HP who plays the girly vampire dude - but seriously...the rest of clue! There are a bunch of Vanessas and a few more Kristins and some chick with slicked back hair who just sat in the audience and tried to look all sexy and brooding but instead looked like she had a bug in her brain. And then these Vanessas are being nominated for their "breakthrough" performances in High School Musical part 435. I realize these aren't the Oscars, but pu-leeeeeeeeeeeeez!

So, I was sitting there being all snarky and pissy and judgmental, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Duh. I'm old. AND MTV is no longer cool. It's been overrun by douche bags and muffys with highlights. So, it's not just me getting old, it's MTV going through a midlife crisis. If MTV still played...oh, gee...what were those things...hmmmm...let's see...oh, that's right...VIDEOS, perhaps I wouldn't suddenly feel like I need to find myself a walker and look into a career as a greeter at Walmart.

I'm still convinced that we (Gen X-ers) were the last great generation. We had Nirvana and Wayne's World and Reality Bites. Ethan Hawke vs. Zach Efron? C'mon! (and if there are any Gen Y-ers reading this and you only know Ethan from Training Day...get thee to Netflix and add Reality Bites to your queue!)

So, who's old with me? C'mon. I know you're out there...