Welcome to My Brain

Do you ever feel like tearing your own arm off and beating yourself to death with it?

Allow me to explain. I'm just on the tail end of my writing class and my very last assignment is to write my query letter. (For those who have decided not to subject themselves to the tortures of being writer, a query letter is basically the "look at my stuff, it's neat" letter you send to an agent in hopes that they'll represent your book.)

This is were they say you need to "sell the sizzle, not the steak". You need to be able to catch the agent's attention within the first line of the letter. So, here are a few openers I'm toying with:

• I just ate my cat! (gross, yes, but catchy)
• I was having lunch with Clive Owen...(ok, obviously directed more at female agents)
• My uncle, John Gotti, said... (a little fear of severed horse heads never hurt anyone)
• Brown! And speckled curly, the sun says, "ding-ding." (makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the agent is sure to read it numerous times trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about)
  
• Forward this letter on to ten of your favorite editors, and within three minutes you will win the lottery.
  

Eh...none of them are really working for me. Granted I'm only on the seventh chapter of my book, so maybe when I reach the end, something amazing will come to me.