Thursday, April 30, 2009

Several levels of batty

Daily Stats:
Words: a metric shit ton
Caffeine: morning cup + midday iced cappuccino
Evil Calories: chocolate chip cookies (I may or may not have stood in the kitchen for twenty minutes chainswallowing the entire batch.)
Reality TV: Millionaire Matchmaker

a) Just so we're clear, you CANNOT get "swine flu" by eating bacon. An intestinal bug, maybe, but I don't think it's even biologically possible to contract a flu virus from something that is a)dead and b) cooked at 400 degrees for twenty minutes. I understand the mass media's need to keep us all scared shitless of everything, but c'mon peeps. Use thine noggin.

b) Currently I hate chapter 1, which is bad because there are 31 more chapters that need to be revised, yet chapter 1 is all up in my face giving me static. Trying to rework it is like trying to jello wrestle with a porcupine. I want to punch chapter 1 in the face, give it an enormous wedgey, freeze its bra and dip its hand in warm water while its sleeping, but I can't quite figure out how without doing serious harm to Sexy Beast.

which leads me to...

c) I must find my center. I must breathe. I must trust myself. I must do all that crap I tell everyone else when they're armpit deep in dry heave inducing revisions. I must not go postal on Sexy Beast. Sexy Beast is my friend. Chapter 1 is my friend. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

d) Those "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" people on TLC really bug me.

e) I can do this.


Tracey said...


WRT the swine flu, unbelievably enough some countries have stopped importing Canadian pork because of it!

I've never watched J & K. I think I would be of the same opinion as you

DebraLSchubert said...

Two words: CHILL PILL. You, my friend, are in serious need of some "away from your book" time. Even if it's just 24 hours, do yourself a favor. Right now, you can't see the forest for the trees. And, do you know how I know this? Because I'm in the same freaking place! Except, it's my first 50-60 pages that have been requested by three separate agents that I'm freaking out over. Right now, I'd like to toss them right out the window, watch them fly away, and start from Square One. Hang in there. I will if you will.;-)

Big Plain V said...

I hate chapter ones.

The bad thing about chapter one is that they're always the first one you work on when you change hats. You finish editing one book, and you start writing a new chapter one. You finish writing the whole MS, then you go back and start editing chapter one. See where I'm going with this?

I usually let chapter one suck until the skills associated with whatever phase I'm in are honed to thier finest edge.

(I know that last sentence was really awkward, but it's only because I'm not in a 'blog commentor' phase right now)

Amy Ellis said...

I ate bacon this morning just to make up for the idiots who are now boycotting it. Doing my part to keep the pork industry going. You know me, I give and I give and I give.

Carrie Harris said...

I think you should feed some bacon to chapter one. Because really, bacon makes everything better, and it's a coy way of thumbing your nose at the people who don't know any better.