Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's about time

I've been thinking a lot lately about time.  And about patience.  Mostly because I spend the majority of my days feeling like I don't have enough of either.  So, I've starting making a mental list of what I do and don't have time and patience for.  It reads as follows:

Things I don't have time and/or patience for:

- dishes that don't wash themselves
- self check out lanes at Meijer (aka the 7th level of hell)
- the local news (stop trying to make me afraid of EVERYTHING.  Please.) 
- reality tv (with the exception of Food Network Star, Project Runway and Top Chef)
- LEGO pieces that like to embed themselves in my feet
- neighbor dogs that bark incessantly the minute I put my toe outside (it's been FIVE years.  I'm not here to rob/maim your owner or pee on your favorite tree.  And, P.S., you look like a mop with teeth.)
- people who suck (this includes people that tailgate, text and drive and people who douse themselves in cologne/perfume and ride elevators with me.  Also includes crazy people who try and suck me into their craziness by handing me a bunch of BS to manipulate my feelings.  I'm immune to this.  Move on, please.  You're wasting your time.)
- Rachel Ray (still the anti-christ)
- jicama (what the effing eff IS that crap?)

Things I DO have time/patience for:

- my kids (always)
- my husband (always)
- my cat, even though she honks up hairballs, like, fifty times a day
- reruns of Frasier on the Hallmark Channel (Hey baby, I hear the blues are callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs...)
- my friends (especially the ones who make me laugh and help me eat cookies)
- my writing (even though it often makes me want to jam pencils in my eyes)
- caramel sauce
- Ella Fitzgerald
- pants that don't give me muffin top

So, what does your mental time and patience list look like?


Amy said...

Since you and I share genetic material, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I don't have patience for anything besides Trader Joe's dark chocolate salted almonds.

Ray Veen said...

Dude, these were all funny as crap! My list would be very similar except I'd add 'talking on the phone' to the no-patience list. Seriously, I hate it. I've even been known to inflate the importance of things I don't really need to do in order to get off the phone. Also, I'm not married to a man.

Vivi said...

Amy - I went to my TJs yesterday and they were out of those! I almost started weeping in the isle. It was so wrong.

Ray - I totally feel you on the phone thing. And some people don't have good phone rhythm, so there are weird pauses or you end up trying to talk at the same time. makes me twitch!!!