Wednesday, June 18, 2008

stuff and things

Words: 1000
Caffeine: morning cup so far
Evil Calories: Is it bad to eat 12 cookies for breakfast?
Reality TV: Top Chef reunion

First, I must insist that everyone go to Girl Works blog and read her post from yesterday entitled "Order your t-shirts now" (I don't know how to do that fancy linky thingy here, so just scroll down my sidebar and you'll find her). I strongly urge you to become a member of U-SUCK. I will be doing some guerrilla warfare for them. Anyone else that likes to throw shit at people are welcome to join me.

Second, I had a dream last night that Bob Barker lived next door to me, and I peeked into his garage when I drove by and spotted the wheel from Price is Right. I was like, "Holy crap, he took the wheel!!!!" I always take stuff from jobs I leave...boxes of folders, paperclips, the phone. But he took the wheel!!! So then I had to run inside my house and turn on the TV to see if the show got a different wheel, but my TV was gone and my microwave was sitting on my TV stand instead. Think I might need to lay off the mint chocolate chip ice cream before bed from now on.

And lastly, below I've listed just a few things to remember as we go into summer:

a) I know it's hot as crap outside, but wearing your bikini top to the mall is not necessary. Especially since the mall is kept at sub-zero temperatures. Perhaps you have a crush on the pimply kid working the counter at Haagin Daz and want to show off the goods, but the rest of us really, really, REALLY don't want to see your funbags.

b) As mentioned above, it's hot as crap outside. Wearing your UGGs and a pair of Daisy Duke's only makes you look an idiot. When temperatures reach "hot-as-crap" status, it's time to tuck those ass-ugly boots away for the season. You don't look chic. You don't look hot. What you do look like is someone with the intellect of a pound cake. Go drop $2 at Walmart for a pair of flip-flops and call it a day.

c) Pleated shorts are never a good idea. If you own pleated shorts, burn them. If you're shopping for pleated shorts, smack the crap out of yourself. If you see someone wearing pleated shorts, throw shit at them. Seriously, they're wrong and anyone that associates themselves with them should be punished.

d) Take a shower. Seriously, take a shower. Once again, it's hot as crap outside. If you're saturating t-shirts at light-speed, chances are that you smell like many different kinds of bad. If you're not going to shower, don't go to movies. You know those things all around you? Those are called OTHER PEOPLE. And the woman sitting next to you isn't cramming popcorn up her nose because it feels good.

4 comments:

Amy Ellis said...

I'm offering an e)

(I tried to do this on myspace, but they suck!)

Pedicure your damn self! You don't need to go to fancy pants spa, but, for the love of God, go to RiteAid and buy nail clippers and heel creme. If you refuse to pedicure, you are banned from restaurants. Some of us are actually trying to keep our food down!

Elizabeth said...

Elizabeth backing away from your blog holding Uggs behind her back.

Jana Lubina said...

I once wore a bikini top to a mall. But I had no choice (I'm not getting into the story here) but I did have the decency to wrap a towel around my nekkid top half, and get the hell out as soon as humanly possible.

Eileen said...

So- what you're saying is that it's warm there?