Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Creepy eyeball and my cousin Brad Pitt

Daily Stats:
Words: I hate regurgitated hair-balls
Caffeine: morning cup + midday iced latte
Evil Calories: ice cream with homemade chocolate sauce that unexpectedly turned into that chocolate shell stuff you get at Dairy Queen which made us almost weep with joy
Reality TV: Tori & Dean

I'm still very much on the fence about my new banner, so if you see it come and go over the next few weeks, don't be surprised. It's okay, but I look WAY too nice. I am nice, but perhaps not the "tea cozies and masterpiece theater" nice the picture is alluding to. I mean, just below the picture and to the right, I illustrate my firm belief that Rachel Ray is the anti-christ. There's kind of a disconnect. Besides, I find my enormous zombie eye a little disturbing. If you stare at it for too long you might try to eat someones brain.

In other news, I had yet another dream last night about my cousin Brad Pitt. Yes, again. I've lost track of how many dreams I've had where Mr. Jolie is my cousin. I really can't figure out where this stems from. I'm not exactly a fan, I don't find him dreamy and I most of the time feel he couldn't act his way out of a paper sack. But last night I found myself off in dreamland in some weird triangular apartment with mustard colored walls, trying to convince Brad that he should have some Breyers Slow Churn ice cream instead of the regular because it had 1/2 the fat (this stems from a discussion my husband and I had before bed - have you ever looked at how much fat is in regular ice cream? Frightening! It's a wonder our arteries don't just slam shut). So, Brad says, "I'm sick of dieting," and I said, "You don't have to diet, just don't inhale trans fat at light speed." And then he stood up and his pants were really tight...not good tight, like busting at the seams tight, so I said, "Ummm...don't take this the wrong way, but those pants make you look like ten pound of shit crammed into a five pound bag," and he dropped his shoulders, let out a long sigh and started doing push-ups on the table. Then my dad walked in and started talking about a house fire (he's a fire chief, so this is quite normal) and my mom walked in with a casserole (she's Lutheran, so this is also quite normal). The end.

Well, sort of "the end". There was something about ghosts and then somewhere in there I broke my salad spinner and I was very upset.

Why can't I dream about cool things, like ninjas or flame-throwers?

6 comments:

Big Plain V said...

You're like my number one source for dreams, Vivi. Are familiar with the term 'lucid dreaming' and do you ever engage in them? If so, considered yourself hired as my new dream research subject.

(I assume you'll work for spare Salad Spinner parts?)

Vivi Alden said...

Oh, good, I need a job! Can I call myself a dream "consultant"? I love that term!

I have had lucid dreams. They're WEIRD! But, I will say I never get very far into them. I always end up waking up right when I'm about to do something really cool.

Big Plain V said...

I was just reading your response, right? I wasn't planning on re-commenting or anything, but then I noticed the word verification.

"fartmess"

No joke.

Anyway... as long as I am re-commenting, I've got to tell you something about lucid dreams. Most of them end fairly quickly when the dreamer realizes they're asleep and gets overly excited. You need to anchor your consciousness in the dreamworld. Next time try to relax, or find something in the dream to grab hold of, or clap your dream hands, it even helps just to say "more lucidity" -- really anything that increases the tactile reality of the dream.

Kay. Lecture over.

Carrie Harris said...

I think you didn't break your salad spinner. I think the flame-throwing ninjas secretly sabotaged it.

Vivi Alden said...

FARTMESS! *spews coffee on self*

Someday I want to write a book with characters/locations named after word verifications. Though, I think I may have to utilize "fartmess" in day to day life. "Geez, look at all that laundry...that is one big fartmess".

Okay, all this lucid dream talk has me humming that Queensryche song. But I'll have to try some of those tricks. I always have delusions of grandeur and try to do kung fu or fly or run around looking for Clive Owen.

Tracey said...

Actually I think your dreams are pretty entertaining. (Oh, and you lucky bit#$ with the chocolate sauce serendipity - could you send a gallon my way?!)
Fartmess - sounds like something nasty left behind in someone's undies.