Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Thank you, come again...

(Okay, enough with the pink. Unless it's in cream form on top of a cupcake with sprinkles, it just isn't the same)

Daily Stats:
Words: ahhh...home
Caffeine: morning cup & mid-day iced latte from my trusty little Barista espresso machine (yes, I hugged it when I got home. So what?)
Evil Calories: "welcome home" donuts
Reality TV: Project Runway, Shear Genius

I've decided that being a writer sucks ass. Well...being a struggling writer sucks ass. I'm sure being a published writer still sucks to some degree. Perhaps not to the "ass" degree. Maybe to the "armpit" or "big toe" degree.

Imagine, if you will, waking up at the crack of dawn to cook a feast - a huge feast; everything from scratch - and you slave over that feast the entire day, only to just stick it in your fridge and have it go bad. And you can't even enjoy it because you're so sick of looking at it that all you want is the drive-thru at Taco Bell. Now, take that feeling and multiply it by a gazillion. That's how it feels to write a book that goes nowhere.

As my son would say, when Gossie the gosling looses her bright red boots..."she hot-bwo-ken"

Like I said. Being a writer sucks ass.

You know, it would be a lot less ass sucky/hot-bway-king if writers could query agents about their books before they actually write them. Sort of like how journalists query editors. "I have this awesome idea to interview Bubba Bo Bob down at Bubba's Chicken Shack about how he likes to cook his food inside the engine of a '57 Chevy, and I also plan on tracing his roots back to Redneckland. I will also examine the questionable length of Bubba's pants, as this is a very important subject for today's youth." You know...then the editor says "yay" or "nay" to the Bubba Bo Bob article, and if it's a "nay", then the writer moves on to another idea, sanity still intact. But aspiring novelists have to cash in their sanity, pour every ounce of their soul into a book, and THEN ask agents if they think it's a good idea. It's all ass-backwards if you ask me.

Therefore, I am seriously tempted to query my current WIP right now, before I'm done. Before the hot-bwak-ing stage. Query the hell out of it, and if no one wants it, then I move on! And I can skip the whole "beating self over head" stage too!

Of course, with my luck, someone would like it, and request a partial, then a full, and then I'd have to come up with some lame ass excuse like, "ummm...well...I could get you the full, but my arms fell off and I can't use my computer. But I'm on experimental medication, and they're supposed to grow back within six to eight weeks. Can I get it to you then?"

See...sanity cashed in. Cha-ching!!

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

It DOES suck.
I don't even call myself a writer to others, I feel I'm unworthy until someone in the biz validates my work by accepting it.
It's a sickness.
I see why writers might be susceptible to the bottle.
I can't seem to get going on a new WIP either.
Someone push me over the edge please, put me out of my misery.