Monday, June 29, 2009

You people are wrong in the head

Daily Stats:
Words: 4 or maybe 2000, not sure which
Caffeine: morning cup + midday iced mocha
Evil Calories: currently addicted to chips and salsa. Mainly the chips part.
Reality TV: it's far too embarrassing to admit

So, I have this nifty little thing on my blog called SiteMeter. It basically tracks every visit to my blog. Yep. I'm watching you. C'mon, get that finger out of your nose and, for god's sake, change that shirt. You've been wearing it for a week now.

No, seriously, I can't actually see you (but you should still change that shirt and keep your fingers out of your nose). But I can see where you are and how long you stayed. AND, it also will tell me what search term you tippity-tapped into google if you happened to simply stumble upon my blog. And, as it turns out, some of the more interesting search terms that lead to my blog are "I'm too sexy for my cat", "I'm too sexy for my heels" (both of which have this post to thank) and...wait for it...wa-a-a-a-a-it for it..."cat sexy in heels".

Okay...if you are one of these "cat sexy in heels" people and you are reading this post, please step away from the computer, grab the yellow pages and try to find yourself some urgent, low-cost shock treatment. Or just jab a fork in your eye. Or maybe even take your brain out and soak it in bleach for a while. Seriously, what's wrong with you? You're embarrassing your mother. I think you should leave. Everyone else can stay and play, even the "too sexy for my heels" people. Though, I suspect you have a certain...ehem... "need" that my little ol' blog will not be able to fulfill. But after you find your weirdo-rama smut, c'mon back for some nice, wholesome entertainment.


Big Plain V said...

How did I find your blog? I don't even remember anymore. I'm sure it was the result of a very noble and mature search.

E said...

For the record BPV found you through me. For my blog he googled "sniffing the inside of an oyster" ???? I know, weird.

You still crack me up V.