Monday, February 2, 2009

Sleep. Oh how I crave those little slices of death.

Daily Stats:
Words: coffee
Caffeine: yes
Evil Calories: cheesecake bar that tasted like feet mixed with armpits (but I still ate it. It's cheesecake. C'mon. I'm not made of wood.)
Reality TV: Top Chef reruns

I officially hate winter and think it should be banned. I have been very understanding thus far of the ongoing butt-ass-cold conditions, but this morning I'm sleep deprived and have no capacity for being positive or uppity. In the last two months, I believe we've had TWO days where it's actually gotten above 20 degrees. You know what would be awesome? Walking outside and NOT feeling like your face is going to fall off. I know. I'm a dreamer.

So, back to the sleep deprived thing. The boy has had croup (funky cough that sounds like a seal being bludgeoned to death) so I've been on night duty. Last night was the third night and this morning I actually think I can see through time. Sleep deprivation is a strange thing. It messes with your brain. You begin to ponder strange things. Like, why hasn't anyone invented the tractor beam yet? Someone should get on that. It would be very handy. And why doesn't Donald Duck wear pants? Why did they give him a shirt, but not pants? He should at least have shorts or a loin cloth or something. And was there a bathroom on the Millennium Falcon? And why aren't the children on Sesame Street afraid of
Mr. Snuffleupagus? I gotta tell you, if I was eight and saw a twenty foot brown hair ball with a trunk, I'd bust ass home. I certainly wouldn't try and play with him. What if he turned on you. A chihuahua turns on you, no big deal. A twenty foot brown hair ball with a trunk turns on you, you're screwed.

Pray for me. There isn't enough coffee in the solar system to save me now.


Bryan B. said...

1.) I actually invented a tractor beam once, but lost it.

2.) Donald Duck doesn't wear pants because that's how he likes to roll.

3.) Jedi don't need to go to the bathroom.

4.) It's been 60 degrees the last 3 days in Tennessee.

But, it's, you have to balance that information against everything else wrong with this terrible state.

Tracey said...

I can't top Bryan's insights, but the bludgeoned seal cough did visit our house last year, so I can sympathize. I am pathetically nonfuctional with no sleep.

Vivi Alden said...

Bryan -
1) did you check the lint trap in your dryer for the tractor beam?

2) I shouldn't get all up in Donald Duck's grill about his pants. If Daisy's okay with it, then who cares, right?

3)Jedi may not go to the bathroom, but surely a Wookie must answer natures call.

4) I would skip up and down my block like a lunatic on crack if it were 60 degrees here.

Tracey - I totally suck as a mom when I'm sleep deprived. Thank the stars for PBSKids!

Amy Ellis said...

Frankly, at 39, if I saw a 20-foot hair ball, I'd still bust ass home.

Excellent question about the Falcon. Perhaps that explains why the hyper drive kept frying. But I'd rather not ponder it.

I'm sorry you're so cold. Really, I can't understand why you can't meet me in Vegas on Friday just for a movie.

When I'm sleep-deprived, I always hear voices. And then I go "Huh??" and Erik says "Wha?" and I say "Huh?" and he says "Wha?" It'd be entertaining for someone besides me who's not sleeping and him who keeps being interrupted.

You know me said...

So I should not share with you that it is 70 and sunny and fabulous hear today? Touch breezy, though.

And it is Kingsville, so not exactly the most exciting place.

Close to Mexico though, if you want cheap vanilla extract or liquor.

Vivi Alden said...

Amy - No kidding. At any age, a twenty foot "elephant-gone-wrong" is scary shit!

I bet the Falcon had a bathroom, but it was a scary guy's bathroom with no toilet seat and Space Slut mags stacked to the ceiling.

Hearing voice is not good. You should have more cookies. Cookies cure.

Vivi Alden said...

Shut up, Ellie! Quiet now with your talk of 70 degrees! You'll make me cry! (too late...already tearing up...)

Pink Ink said...

When sleep deprived, I not only hear voices, I also scare myself silly when I look in the mirror.

So that's about every day around here.

Snuffy's long lashes are his saving grace.

Amy Ellis said...

HA! Han would totally have Space Slut magazine!

El, just for that, I predict that you will end up on a research project in Newfoundland.

Vivi Alden said...

Yeah, Ellie...or worse. Michigan.

Eileen said...

oooh sleep deprivation- NOT GOOD. I get seriously weird when there is no sleep. Amusing to others, but to myself I am very, very, very deep.

Elizabeth said...

See through time?
Wow. Now that is a level of insight to be accomplished. I mean, that's up there in nirvana, communion with higher beings and shit. Trippy.
I'm sorry about your boy, that cough is so aweful to listen to.

Sarah J Clark said...

Your wittiness is charming. Endearing.

Loin cloth? Yeah, I could totally see Donald Duck wearing a loin cloth.

DebraLSchubert said...

Vivi, Your questions are quite valid - I ponder them in a non-sleep-deprived state. I don't think that says anything wonderful about me, I just think it means these are deep, universal questions. I mean, who doesn't ponder Donald Duck's below-the-waist-wear or why Mr. Snuff... doesn't scare the living shit out of everyone on the set of Sesame Street? I, for one, couldn't live with myself without wondering about such mind-bending things. BTW: You crack me up, so I'm following you now. I hope you'll return the favor.;-)