Thursday, January 8, 2009

How many Pitts we got on this ship, anyway?

Daily Stats:
Words: 30+800+1+9+44+65+234
Caffeine: morning cup
Evil Calories: have cleansed kitchen of all fat-ass inducing treats in preparation for upcoming weight loss challenge
Reality TV: Top Chef

I believe, in an alternate universe, Brad Pitt is my cousin. I'm not saying this because I find him dreamy. The contrary, actually. Though I love him in the Oceans movies and find him to be an okay dude (thought I'm still on the fence about him leaving Jen), he doesn't do it for me in the least. He's way too pretty. But, I keep having dreams about him. Dreams, where he's my cousin.

One I had many months ago where I drove to my Aunt's house for Christmas, and we got stuck in a huge snow storm, and when we finally got to her house, Brad and Angelina Jolie were there, and Brad and I talked about running, and he informed me that he ran 52 miles a day, and Angelina Jolie (who never spoke a word) kept autographing all these random things - sticky notes, gum wrappers, napkins - and handing them to me, all smug like she was on the red carpet. Then Brad asked me if I still had our Grandma's tractor beam (to which I said, "no, no, Amy got the tractor beam"), and then he asked if any of us wanted to go to dinner at Perkins.

So, then last night, I had a dream that I was out walking and I happened on a bunch of really posh luxury condos. I walked up to get a closer look and Brad was standing there. He told me he was there because he was thinking of buying all of them. I was like, "Dude, no, don't you have enough on your plate with your compound in France and your five children? You're going to break out in hives again" (seriously, I said this. Apparently in the parallel universe, he has a hive problem). Then he said he wanted to buy it and have me manage it, but first he needed me to take a conflict resolution class, because there were rumors of a dog fighting ring. Then suddenly there were ninjas handing out pamphlets on organic gardening.

See a theme here? (Aside from my dreams always taking a header into obscurity toward the end.)

In other news, you've probably noticed my new bad-ass header, thanks to my bad-ass husband who has mad skillz with Photoshop. I just thought my blog needed a little color. It was looking mighty gloomy.


Elizabeth said...

Brad Pitt is your cousin eh?
I used to have a really big cruch on him for many years. And I had many dreams about him too, but they were less obsure and more naked. And he was not my cousin. But he was the bakery man in one, delivering muffins...anyhoo...
he no longer does it for me either. I don't like to hear him talk about causes, it makes him sound like he's trying to be smart, when all he ever was to me was pretty.
BUT I do adore him and his 'partner's' adopting children. So for that I forgive everything.
As for Jen...meh.

Sarah J Clark said...

Are you for real?

I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard. I WISH I could have such an entertaining dream as you.

My favorite part -- when Angelina kept signing random things. I could totally see this! OH, TOO FREAKIN FUNNY!

Sarah J Clark said...

PS - That IS a kick-a#@ header! =)

Big Plain V said...

Honestly. Seriously. I think there is a market for written accounts of Vivi Alden's dreams. What I'm saying is -- people will pay to read this. It's that funny.

Think about it.

Bryan B. said...

People say I'm too pretty. It's a rough life.

(And you better watch out...ninjas don't hand out pamphlets on anything. They hand out ass whippings.)

Amy Ellis said...

Well this makes perfect sense since I had that dream a while back where I'd come to visit you only to find Brad Pitt at your house taking up the guest room. Now that I know he's our cousin, I totally get it!

Except, if he's our cousin, why isn't he giving us any money?

I wonder if I could tractor beam us to Vegas??

Tracey said...

And my hubby thought I had "creative" dreams. Can't top yours!

I think one of Brad Pitt's best roles was in 12 Monkeys.

Loving the new header. One of my favourite colours.

Sarah J Clark said...

I think Bryan B means "Whoopings." Right?

Do tell more of your dreams. I woke up this morning thinking back to Angelina signing post-its. Bizarre. But funny!