Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Yo Mama

Daily Stats:
Words: many, many, many
Caffeine: morning cup
Evil Calories: chocolate cake that most certainly added to my girth but me no care
Reality TV: Top Chef reruns

First, I would like to share my very favorite Yo Mama joke of all time (and if this joke happens to offend anyone, allow me to say in advance, "I don't care!")

ehem....

Yo Mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, it goes like this: New York, Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Los Angeles.

heehee...I challenge you to google Yo Mama jokes and NOT laugh your ass off. G'head. Go. I dare ya!

And now, a list of reasons why I will not be making Mother of the Year (aside from posting distasteful Yo Mama jokes on my blog):

1. Whilst watching Vh1's top 100 Rock Songs, I taught my son to scream "Back in Black" and make the devil horns with his hands.

2. I'm a teeny bit late for his three year check up, because check-ups = hysterical shit-fit and he always manages to somehow pee all over me in the throws of said hysterical shit-fit.

3. Today, while lost in thought over my current WIP, I accidentally let him eat 12 cookies.

4. I let him pick out scratch tickets from the little machines at grocery store.

4. I've convinced him that Paula Dean is his grandmother. (This isn't bad now, but I have a feeling this may confuse him later.)

Now, see, this all may seem shifty now, but I'm convinced it will just make him that much more interesting when he's older.

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

OMG Momma, in my books you are a Saint. I am afraid to list the things I do.
One that comes to mind is teaching him to shake his little rear to I'm Bringing Sexy Back.
Another is to know all the proper names for the human body and then hearing him tell a stranger in the park how he 'came out of his birth mother's vagina'.
Ya.
There are more, many many more, so you and I could keep good company.

Bryan B. said...

Yo momma's glasses so thick she can see the future.


Hmm...

My parenting stats:

Late on a check-up.
Thinks it's hilarious when my son said, "Merry Christmas...stinky butt."
Taught him to lick people.
And then laugh.


Oh, types blog comments while supposedly trying to get him asleep.

Wait....um....

Big Plain V said...

Have you seen my obesity sensitivity video on my YouTube channel? It's actually a video that our entire health care network watches for their annual sensitivity training. I had to research 'Yo mama so fat' jokes to make it, but sadly, none of them made it into the video.

God I love those jokes.

Amy Ellis said...

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

I think you're a fabulous mom. But I TOTALLY should have bought him the AB/CD shirt now that he can make devil horns!

And, really, isn't Paula Dean everyone's grandmother? I want her to adopt me.

Sarah J Clark said...

He pees on you? On purpose? Who taught him that one?

Funny stuff! xo!

Tracey said...

When our oldest was only two she dropped the "F" bomb one night at dinner because she couldn't figure out how to make the pepper grinder work. Bad mamma! (though to this day I will blame my husband).