Light as a feather, heavy as a brick

Daily Stats
Words: 1500+
Caffeine: the usual (new Starbucks at Macy's. Guy who works there makes awesome foam.)
Evil Calories: Fig Newtons (semi-evil)
Reality TV: Celebrity Apprentice

I'm a total wuss. I'm sure I miss out on a lot of amazing books because of my wussiness. For example, there's a book out right now called Hope's Child. It's the true story of a boy who was taken away from his mother and raised through the foster system. It's being hailed by critics and has won several awards. However, I would probably make it about three pages in before I curled into a little weeping ball (as I did when I read Lolly Winston's Good Grief. It was a great book, and she's an amazing writer, but it just turned me into a withering mess.)

I just simply cannot read heavy, emotionally draining books. I want funny, light-hearted, semi-poignant stories with decent romance and a jolly good ending. I know that probably makes me completely unrefined, but so be it. I get heavy and depressing every time I turn on the news. I prefer that my escapism actually makes me smile.

I take the same approach with my writing. I don't write things that push me to a place I don't want to go. I write the types of books I'd want to read. However, with the book I'm currently working on, I'm taking myself into uncharted territory because I'm writing about a death that is very significant to my MC. I'm struggling because I keep thinking, "Is she sad enough? Is she mourning enough?" Is it possible to write about a heavier topic, but still keep the tone light and funny?

Hysterical Cat-Tastrophe

Daily Stats
Words: 1000
Caffeine: the usual
Evil Calories: Ritter Sport
Reality TV: America's Next Top Model

I just had to post this. It's an email from a very good friend of mine. I found it freakin' hysterical, possibly because I have my own head-case felines roaming about.

So I'm sitting in my living room yesterday when I hear this terrible ruckus in the kitchen. It was Friskie fussing and meowing like I've never heard him before. For a split second I thought he might have found a mouse behind the refrigerator or something. Instead what I find is him standing on his hind legs with his front paws flailing wildly and his head stuck between the wall and the cabinet. His tail is all puffed out. I have to slide the cabinet over to free his head. Now I've always fancied Friskie to be the slightly more intelligent of the 2 felines. But there he is sitting there all indignant with large tufts of hair pulled out from his near death experience. . .I haven't been able to look at him seriously since.

Teeheehee...

Beating Self Over Head with Angry Badger

Daily Stats
Words: TOO MANY!
Caffeine: the usual
Evil Calories: entire box of Cheese-Its
Reality TV: Project Runway reruns

I am such a complete ass-hat!

I've been working a submission for the Writer's Digest My Story competition. They give you a plot, you write something mind-numbingly brilliant, etc. Well, apparently, somewhere in reading the guidelines I hallucinated, because I thought the word count requirement was 1500 or less.

Um...yeah, I just went to submit my story, and the word count requirement is not 1500. It's 750. 750!!!!!! My story is 1398 words. I'm no math whiz, but I believe I might be a little screwed here.

Realization

Daily Stats
Words: 1500
Caffeine: the usual (morning cup + midmorning cappuccino) - the guy in front of me at Starbucks blessed me. No, I didn't sneeze. I simply walked in, he turned and looked at me and said "God bless." I was completely thrown. How the hell do you respond to that? So I just stared at him for a minute and then meekly thanked him. Reason #876 why I'm going straight to hell. I have no idea what to do when someone randomly blesses me. I am ill-equip spiritually for spontaneous blessings! What do I say? "You too"? "Right back atchya"? "Ditto"? And then I get defensive. Why are you blessing me? Do I look like I need blessing? If I need to be blessed, I'll ask for it!!!! (not really, I'm Lutheran)
Evil Calories: mini vanilla bean scones from Starbucks (I blame the holy roller mentioned above)
Reality TV: Project Runway finale (go Rami!)

So, I've come to terms with something, and I'm not afraid to say it out loud. I like to write stories with happy endings.

There. I said it.

See, the annoying brainiac, emo-listening, melancholy side of me tries to push me to write uber-literary stuff with deep meaning and emotionally draining endings. But as hard as I try, the hopeless romantic in me always elbows her way in and takes over. So, I'm letting her win. I will freely write stories with happy endings. And the annoying brainiac, emo-listening, melancholy side of me will just have to go pound sand.

Resolution

Daily Stats
Words: 1500
Caffeine: morning cup + midmorning cappuccino
Evil Calories: none! I just discovered that I've gained 8 pounds since the holidays. 8!!! Therefore I will spend the remainder of my life on the treadmill. Send bottled water and protein shakes.
Reality TV: A new show called "Fat-Ass on a Treadmill" starring me

This week I'm going to do two things. One, I will walk/run/trot/skip/lumber/trip/cough/wheeze/lie down on treadmill for at least 23 hours every day. Two: I will write 1500 words every day with remaining hour of each day. Might even try to write while on treadmill.

Hmmm...note to self: writing on treadmill might result in head wound. Investigate some kind of writing on treadmill helmet. Or put wonderbra on head as makeshift helmet. (might as well use that dumb-ass thing for something useful)

I will finish my next book by June. That is my goal. I will finish it. I will no longer sit around waiting for agents to call me about my first book. I will sell my second book, then my first book will sell, and it'll be less work for me later, and will give me more time on treadmill.

By the way, I have to give a big ups to my new friend Ramen w/Cheese & Tuna, my fellow soon-to-be published author! Check out her blog!

And lastly, thanks to Eileen Cook for being fabulous and writing a book that made me laugh when I REALLY needed to!

Don't Bitch-Slap the Waiter

Daily Stats
Words: more than three, less than four thousand
Caffeine: morning cup + midmorning cappuccino
Evil Calories: left over apple pie from dinner out last night....tastes a little like feet, but the general idea is there
Reality TV: Project Runway reruns

Let me begin by saying that I know I'm not the most hilarious person ever in the history of time. I make no claim to be that charming. But, I've got thirty-some years of being told I'm "cute" to know that I'm at least working with something here. So, why then, when I go out to dinner and make a harmless joke about the salad, can I not even get any love from the waiter? He's being paid crappy minimum wage to bring me my food. His tip depends on how fabulous he makes me feel. Laugh at my sub-par joke, dude. I know you're distracted by the twelve-year-old with her thong hanging out at the table next to ours, but focus! I'm not saying my joke was funny, but it deserved at least a smirk. I would have even accepted a nose wrinkle. Something!!

Anyway...So, I think I might be a little on edge. It's officially been six weeks since that agent requested the partial, and I have yet to hear back. Clearly she blew her nose in it, then used it to line her trash can before she threw her half drunk latte away. I knew I shouldn't have spent the extra money on 30% recycled paper. Drat!

Deliver Me From the Hallway

Daily Stats
Words: none yet
Caffeine: morning cup
Evil Calories: resisting...fat pants getting snug
Reality TV: American Idol

So today I'm determined to get out of the hallway.

Makes no sense, I know. But believe me, it needs to happen. My MC has been standing in the hallway for about three days now. She needs to find something, and I know full well what that something is, but where she finds it is what's tripping me up. It's something very personal to a loved one who just passed away. My MC has no idea it even exists, so she must stumble upon it by accident.

Of course, I'm trying to be clever about it. Hidden in the back of a bedroom closet seems too obvious. Under the bed seems too lazy. Under the floor boards is way too over the top. I need something subtle, yet clever.

hmmm....maybe a hollowed out book.....or an ice bucket....or in a weird box from an import shop....or a ceramic frog with a hole in the bottom ("you put your weed in it!").