Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Daily Stats:
Words: taking donations
Caffeine: morning cup + midmorning cappuccino
Evil Calories: chocolate chip cookie bars
Reality TV: suspended due to NaNoWriMo

And I can move! Oh, yes. I can look from side to side, up and down, I can reach for things. I can even put on socks without wanting to dry heave. And last night I slept w/out drugs and w/out the foam neck thingy. I have yet to do The Robot, but I'm feeling confident I'll be there by the end of the week.

With that said, I am SO freaking behind in NaNo it's not even funny. I'm busting ass as much as my ass allows busting (okay, that sounds kinky...you know what I mean), but...I'm also approaching a significant part of the book, and I don't want to thrash my way through it like a drunk howler monkey. Yes, I know, the point of NaNo is just to go, but, I'm telling you, this draft has to be a solid, workable "first" because I'm only willing to give it one, yes ONE rewrite, because I've been dragging this thing around for almost a year, already having written it 40K words in the wrong direction, and I need to just freakin' pass it already. Push it through. Get it out. Call it done. Think about something else. So, I am stopping for the moment. Will resume once insane almost three year old goes to bed tonight.

Now, side bar...those who've been reading my blog for a while know that I'm a total coffee snob, so this will come as no shock to you, but when I was at Starbucks today, I heard a woman order a triple decaf vente three pump sugar-free vanilla nonfat latte. And a brownie. Obviously I still have traces of Valium in my system, or I would have begun assaulting her with Sugar in the Raw packets. What the f*ck is the point of ordering that??? For those who haven't a clue what that is, I'll break it down:

triple = three shots of espresso, which is more than any human should ever have in one sitting
decaf = okay, so three shots of espresso for no reason. Okay, maybe you just like the taste of espresso. Oh, nope, that can't be it, cuz you want...
THREE PUMPS of sugar free vanilla syrup = offensive, offensive, offensive and only serves to mask the flavor of the espresso. The espresso that is pointless because it has no caffeine. And sugar free? It's syrup! hello! Perhaps rethinking that noggin-sized brownie would be a better "sugar-free" option for you.
Nonfat = Seriously? Okay, so no caffeine, no sugar, and no fat. Yet, you're paying $4.50. How 'bout you just sit there and get nothing. It's basically the same thing and you save a few bucks. P.S. you might need a psychological evaluation.

My dream one day, aside from being a professional writer, is to own my own quaint little espresso shop. Of course it would close in about five minutes because I'd yell at all my customers. I'd be like the soup nazi from Seinfeld (only with a thinner mustache.)


Anonymous said...

Oh, yay, you are getting better! I am so glad. Nano wouldn't be the same without you, and besides you need to do this. And you can. And you can do it so well. You are probably better than you think you are! So go! Go! Go! (Oi! Now!)
Re the Agatha: You do know that I live a stone's throw from Rock Ferry (yes, of Duffy fame) and a hop, skip and a jump from Harrogate Hotel (of Agatha revenge disappearance act ditto)? Whenever you find yourself just passing by etc ...
Oh, and I have kept these customer service praise blocks of text for emergencies. I'll forward you a set if you like. Best wishes, get well and strong and WRITING,

Amy Ellis said...

Coffee Nazi!! OMG, that's your next gig! I'd pay extra for my chai if you'd do that. Although I imagine you could likely only get away with a Coffee Nazi shop in Seattle where people would actually appreciate that. But you have to promise you'd still make me a peppermint mocha during the holidays.

Tracey said...

Glad to hear that you're feeling better and are back at it!
Coffee Nazi would be hilarious. I don't even drink coffee, but I'd buy one just to see that!
Your brownie lady reminds me of those losers you see at Mcdonalds buying a supersized Big Mac meal with a diet coke.

p.s. I love your story about your grandmother. I think it would be great material for a project.

Elizabeth said...

Where's my post?
Sorry, coming in tardy here.
Running a coffee house sounds nice, only I would hate the business end of it. But I would go to yours! Just to see you shout at your customers. But I would insist that you have a silent area for writers cornered off. Ok?
I'll have a London Fog please and an oatfudge bar, Barista.

Carrie Harris said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better.

The one bad thing about owning an espresso shop is that you'll want to kill the people who come in and order an "expresso." I'll hold them down for you if you want.