Caffeine: morning cup + midday double mocha
Evil Calories: sugar cookies
Reality TV: Rachel Zoe Project reruns on Bravo
Well, it's been three days, and I still haven't gotten completely over the chubby chipmunk incident. And I know I'm probably being paranoid, but when I go outside, other chipmunks seem to run away from me much faster than they used to. They know what happened. They think I'm a rodent killer. I'm not! But, I've seen Law & Order enough. This may not be outright rodent-slaughter, but it's definitely a case of depraved indifference. There's probably some head chipmunk who looks just like Sam Waterson - all stressed out, tie askew, enormous bags under his eyes - meeting with the assistant head chipmunks, trying to figure out a way to arrest me. The poor little dude who met his fate in our downstairs toilet was probably some high powered diplomat. Now, chipmunk relations will deteriorate. Wars will ensue. Acorns will be smuggled and illegally traded. All because of me.
Okay, I'm being a tad hard on myself because I'm a mother, and as a mother, you have this crazy, insane, slightly diabolical heightened sense of safety. The fact that I overlooked the lid of the toilet being open as a hazard is a little frightening. The fact that I set the trap right next to said hazardous toilet seat, enabling the chubby little dude to climb on top of the trap, and then onto the toilet to try and make a break for the open window, is downright ridiculous. The word "duh" doesn't even begin to capture my ineptness.
And to make the whole event even more disturbing, my mother reminded me that I used to be a chipmunk. When I was little, I played Simon many times for our school's Christmas musical thingy. We always did the finale with the Chipmunk's Christmas Song. PAGING DR. FREUD!!! I think I drowned my inner child.
She also reminded me that I was petrified of Chip & Dale when we went to Disneyland for the first time. There are pictures of me flipping out while the two characters lurk in the background.
I'll be fine. Just gonna go see if I can find some inexpensive, emergency shock treatment.